Random

I meet with my psychiatrist once a month, maybe every other month on a stretch. I told her how I obsess over things until it drives me crazy and I can calm. For example she says....well my checking account for one.  I will go over the monthly budget over and over, I have to add everything coming out, everything coming in and know to the dollar what I will have left. I will do this out a few months even. After I have done this several times I can calm, only after.
I can't just say, you have X remember?? It's not good enough.
She then explained that this is a coping mechanism. I mentally have to do this to cope with things, it gives me a sense of control in a world I have no control in.
She has of course given me ideas to work through things and try to move forward. Hopefully - some day - that works for me, but for now it's budget budget budget until I feel a sense of calm.
Life never slows down in my head, it's exhausting.